Saul stood over the saint's lifeless body which was broken and bloody from the "righteous" kill. Haughty over his heritage and moral standing, Saul believed himself worthy to approve or disapprove of others, even unto death. Though his mind was full of God's Word and his life full of morality, Saul's heart was as empty of the Holy Spirit as Jesus' tomb. And though he willed the destruction of the apostle, Stephen's last words cried out on Saul's behalf; "Lord, do not hold this sin against them," (Acts 8:4) Stephen's lips were still warm with traces of prayer, as Heaven prepared for an uprising and crucifixion.
Saul was a man out for Christian blood. The follower's of Christ, known as The Way, were not deterred by threats from the Sanhedrin to be quiet. Therefore Saul sought to imprison them for their blasphemous worship of Jesus. For all his knowledge of Old Testament scriptures, he was blind to the truth of Christ and ravaged the area looking to destroy the following of believers.
Remarkably, Saul's attempts did not hinder the early church they empowered it. Rather than stay a small sect in Jerusalem the church spread;
"On that day a great persecution broke out against the church at Jerusalem, and all except the apostles were scattered throughout Judea and Samaria," (Acts 8:1NIV).
Believing himself to be a holy warrior, Saul's righteous rage spurred on his attempts at seeking glory for God. Sadly the contrary was achieved. Saul attacked the new believers yet, every harsh word, lashing or stone thrown was aimed at the heart of God.
In today's devotional Oswald Chambers speaks about living our way or God's way. The very first line in his devotional hit me like a splash of cold water. He poses the question to believers; "Are you determined to have your own way in living for God?" I had to sit with this a bit. I couldn't help think of the contrast of Saul: a misguided zealot, and Paul: a servant of Christ as I pondered Oswald's question. Like a word problem I took the question apart and worked at it one section at a time.
First, I considered; "Are you determined...?" Well, yes. I believe I am. Much of my energy is spent seeking and responding to what I believe I am called to do. I am resolved to seek, serve and receive in Christ. My heart is set on doing the will of my Father. I was off to a promising start.
I didn't find the next portion of Oswald's question so easily answered: "...to have your own way..." I began to squirm in my seat. Hm mm. I do like what I like. I got up to get some more coffee as I pondered my will. I sipped my coffee standing at the kitchen sink. After rinsing my cup, I decided to wash the morning dishes. Oh...was that the laundry buzzer? Apparently, sitting with the Lord on this one was less enjoyable than folding clothes, (Oh, that says a LOT!). When I finally had the downstairs straightened and the beds made, I returned to the computer. My little stall was in vain. The question appeared on the screen bold as ever.
There was no detour around it, I had to fess up. I absolutely want my own way! I wake up and have an idea of how I want my day to go. I think about what I want to do or accomplish and I make choices in my day geared towards those goals. I anticipate good times with friends and family and I make plans to indulge myself. The calendar is filled with my own way! (Deep sigh). I feel like I've just gone to confession.
After my self examination something wonderful happened. As I was sitting in the booth feeling heavy with my "will" upon my shoulders, the Holy Spirit prodded me to move on to the next part of Oswald's question.
"...in living for God?"
Like the sun rise at dawn wakes a song in the bird, these four words lifted a weight from my heart. I can answer this question without pause. I do live for God! I wake with anticipation of His plan for me. I spend my days in His presence. I seek His word for instruction on how to live for Him. I have surrendered my way to His and I will do so again and again. Will I do so perfectly? Never! But striving to live in "perfect oneness with Him," is something I do.(Oswald). So, realizing there is hope in Jesus, I hold fast to the promise of God's Word.
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death," (Romans 8:1-2).
Oswald's question; "Are you determined to have your own way in living for God?" is not one to simply respond to. We must take a good look at our will and hold it up to our actions. Are we proclaiming to live for the Lord and merely working our own will in our lives? (Oswald). That would be a serious situation with serious consequences.
Yet, for those who seek, search, surrender and sacrifice, they can rest in the truth. Dying to self for the sake of the King is a life long process. Today's surrender will likely be different than tomorrow's challenge. Therefore, we strive to set God above and before all else: live with His plan on the forefront of our mind and seak his peace in our steps. We lean on Christ for the vision and the strength and the moment to moment victory.
Saul lived for God the only way he knew how. He followed the rules of the law of sin and he rejoiced in the victories over apparent enemies of the Lord. Yet, Stephen's last words were powerful...for they echoed Christ's own...and Saul was the recipient of grace. Like Stephen, Saul would see the heaven's open and the glory of God stand before him. Struck himself by a stone...the living stone...Saul was slain on the road to Damascus. His own heart pierced by the Sword of the Spirit, Jesus' words.
"I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting," (Acts 9:5).
Instantly, living for God had an entirely new meaning. Saul's attempts to glorify God, in a moment were nailed to the cross, as he realized the vanity of his service. In a flash his spiritual eyes were opened as his physical eyes were shut. The road to Damascus led to his own symbolic tomb, where for three days Saul would neither eat or drink. Every distraction removed, God spoke to Saul of the darkness in his soul and the truth that would bring him new life. On the third day the Lord sent the disciple Ananias to Saul to roll back the symbolic stone and restore his sight. However, Saul would emerge from the darkness with more than his vision. Ananias announced (through resurrection in Christ),he would now be indwelled by the Holy Spirit.
The transformation of Saul was complete as he sought to follow Jesus: to live his life completely surrendered to the Lord. His new life came with a new name, Paul, and the world would never be the same. This story depicts the power of a life abandoned to Christ. A life of victory over the grave as well as self will. Paul had nothing more than we to live such an abundant life in the Spirit. This zealot was seriously misguided in his own service to God. Yet, through the power of prayer, and humility...the dead in sin can rise again in Christ...and live for God victoriously!!!
I am so blessed to be on the winning team.
Go--Fight--Live!!!!!
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