On Holy Ground

Some lessons are so hard to apply to our lives. Upon hearing them we understand the message and we agree with the wisdom in their meaning. Yet, try as we may, we struggle to put the lesson into practice on a daily basis.

For the past two weeks I have struggled under the weight of being obedient in an area of my walk with the Lord. Certain of the Lord's call, I knew it was useless to ignore the invitation to service. Still, I was inwardly trembling as I anticipated being used by God. Day by day I put myself to work in preparation for the appointed time, all the while pleading with God for his mercy and strength. Every effort put forth to give God my best seemed to easily fall into place. I could feel the Lord gently encouraging me along. Nonetheless, each day ended with a prayer for courage.

I was asked to do a dramatic reading of Psalm 139 for our church's recognition of Sanctity of Life Sunday. For some this would be no big deal. To me it was huge! The request was certainly reasonable considering the role I have played in the body these past fifteen years: acting, producing and directing dramatic sketches, musicals and various drama ministries. One would think such an opportunity would be a pleasure for someone who loves theater. So why was I trembling?

I believe my anxiety was stemming from fear of ridicule. I did not want to put myself up before others to be criticised and rejected.

In response to my pleading for release or mercy, God continually turned my thoughts to Moses. Though I knew immediately the association the Lord was making with this spiritual giant, like a rebellious child I continued my whining. In my own burning bush conversation I too questioned God's selection for the messenger. "Who am I Lord to go before..." the congregation? God's response was to me as it was to Moses; "I will be with you." A more trusting child's questions would have ended there.

However, my fear ran deeper than I realized. "What if they don't believe it is you who has sent me?" In other words, what if they think I'm seeking my own glory? Again the Lord spoke to my heart and assured me not to concern myself with the thoughts of others. I was to obey. Once more I tested God with my fear and echoed Moses by pleading my weaknesses. As if reading the from the ancient script, the God who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, silenced me with His response.

"Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go: I will help you speak..." (Exodus 4:11-12).

While I accepted the assignment, fear kept me on my quaking knees before God. Almost immediately I found myself ill and burdened with a deep chest cold. Sleep was difficult due to excessive coughing. I began to question whether or not I would cough my way through the dramatization. Again I cried out to the Lord.

I found myself repeating Moses once more; "If your Presence does not go with us (me), do not send us (me)..." (Exodus 33:15).

I seem to be in a period of testing: a time of expanding my trust. The theme of keeping my eyes on the Lord, trusting the goodness of God and obeying in faith seems evident in my recent situations. Recognizing the Lord uses everything as a conditioning tool for our character, faith and life's purpose, I must now set my focus on trusting the Lord. I must pray to trust Him more, pray for discernment to recognize opportunity to exercise trust in Him and pray I will have the courage to let go and trust His hand to "hold me fast," (Psalm 139). His efforts to bring this to my attention can not be ignored without possible harm or serious consequences to my journey.

If I continue with the story of Moses, I find that trust was critical to the purpose God had for Moses as leader of a people. Moses would have to trust God unquestionably to face Pharaoh, lead a massive exodus and govern a multitude of grumbling people. The challenge for Moses was heeding the Lord's instruction regardless of what others thought. God gave him no escape but He graciously granted Moses the ability to accomplish His vision.

Oswald states: "When we are born again, if we are spiritual at all, we have visions of what Jesus wants us to be. It is important that I learn not to be "disobedient to the heavenly vision"--not to doubt that it can be obtained." One way God speaks to me is through visions. Pictures in my mind that act as symbols, metaphors or simply a view of what something will look like. For example, one way I know when God is calling me to something like a dramatic reading, is He will give me a vision of myself on stage. Additionally, God will plant ideas in my mind that are attached to a picture. This pattern of communication between the Lord and I helps me trust I am in the will of the Father.

The Sanctity of Life services went well today. The church staff did a wonderful job putting together a blend of music, testimony, teaching, encouragement and drama all which emphasized the HOPE we have in Jesus. The theme of hope was perfectly suited for the message and a wonderful reminder for this seeking child. The Lord more than supported me, in His arms I was carried. I surrendered my desire to His will and though I did not feel calm in His hands, I had peace knowing I was doing the will of my Father.

As a result, my heart is full of thankfulness for the opportunity to grow my trust in God. His faithfulness was certain and I have yet another experience to point to, as I continue to grow in faith. Looking back I am so glad I didn't say "no" to His invitation. Not because I suddenly had a change of heart and was eager to go before the body...but because I trust God will use my gift to touch others. His word will not return void! Furthermore, the Lord is generous, there are blessings attached to obedience. I hope my relationship with the Lord grows deeper for my submission.

Submission is absolutely necessary for us to meet our true potential in Christ. Trusting God's big picture helps us take the small steps of obedience. Had Moses refused to obey God's command to remove his sandals, God may have chosen another leader for his chosen people. Had Moses refused to go before Pharaoh who knows what would have happened to the Israelites in Egypt. Had Moses faltered at any point and chosen to say "no" to any of God's commands, he would have missed out on a lifetime of dwelling in the presence of God, seeing countless miracles and beholding the glory of the great I Am.

God's word is very clear; "You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go..."(John 15:16). We must remember that God purposed works for each of His children before the beginning of time. When He "knit us together in our mother's womb," He had plans for our days, nights, weeks, months, years and life, (Psalm 139).

As I sat in the front pew waiting for my cue to take the stage, God once again gave me a vision of Moses: he was before the burning bush taking off his shoes. My body chilled from head to toe as the voice of God spoke to my heart:

"Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground," (Exodus 3:5).

Indwelled by the Holy Spirit, the Lord has revealed to me I am always on holy ground. For I am always in His presence. My body is a holy temple. Yet, there was a distinct difference in His meaning this morning. Through my obedience and my act of self denial for the will of the Father, I suddenly stood before the altar. I was pouring my desire upon the hot coals as a sacrifice unto the Lord.

My instinct was to remove my boots right then and there in response to the Lord's voice. A vision of myself barefoot upon the stage flashed in my mind. I confess I chose not to: what would people think. One step forward, one step back. This trust thing is not easy. I give myself some grace and remember to take it one step at a time. But if ever you see me barefoot on the platform, you can be sure of one thing, I have gone before the altar and I am treading on holy ground.